Michele

“People cited violation of the First Amendment when a New Jersey schoolteacher asserted that evolution and the Big Bang are not scientific and that Noah’s Ark carried dinosaurs. This case is not about the need to separate church and state; its about the need to separate ignorant, scientifically illiterate people from the ranks of teachers.”

– Neil Degrasse Tyson

When one takes the time to compare scientific evidence with the bible, the arguments for religion loses its validity. Growing up without easy access to the Internet made it difficult, but today we have Google and Wikipedia. More and more people are learning about the history of our existence and the origin of belief as our technology advances. Most religions can be looked up and researched by using the Internet.

Growing up in the 1990’s, I wanted to figure the right way to live but I didn’t have the proper access to knowledge. I assumed that there must be a god, and I sought out finding the right god instead of entertaining the idea of no-god. There is definitely a negative connotation with the association of being an atheist and I didn’t want any part of it. But when I really understood what it meant to actually be an atheist I let go of religious fear.  It took me a long time to accept that there could be no god.

I know it can be hard to understand. Looking for answers, I went to church three times a week hoping my life would change. When that didn’t work I went to psychics thinking god had a plan for me, but I wasn’t understanding exactly what he wanted me to do. I went for months until I started learning to read tarot cards myself. I read countless pseudo-scientific books. Water energy. Rock powers. Speaking in tongues. God loved me, this I knew, but as for my destiny I waited for it… crediting god for any good fortunes that would come my way.

I was scared when I let god go at first. I thought something bad would happen to me. Then I realized how dependent I was to god’s plan. The actual idea god having a plan for me. I started doing things because it was something I genuinely wanted to do instead of waiting for divine intervention. In the past I would constantly curse myself for not understanding god’s divination. I’d talk to myself a lot. Pray for help. Look for signs. Anything which wasn’t easily explainable I attributed to god. It became natural for me to believe god had a hand in everything. The weather = god, my great cup of coffee = god, traffic = god… I had forgotten what it was like without god because I had been entrenched in the idea of doing the right thing for god instead of doing things for myself. I started believing I have a plan for myself.

What an epiphany to let the idea of god go and do things because I wanted to. I was amazed by the lack of guilt I had for  just being human. I let go of the feeling of being constantly watched and I became free. I realized god didn’t make me the person I am. The people around me, the books I read, and the decisions I made defined me. The gods from my imagination were left behind and now I had room to grow.

Holy Shit. I was free.

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